A Birthday Gift
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Slayers or anything else that I may 'accidentally' slip into this fic. I have many different muses that like to try to take over. Like the Slayers muse, currently in control, I just finished reading Orgy (the band) slash, so the Orgy muse in lingering in the back, prepared to bash the Slayers muse with a large 'Vapor Transmission' CD, and a Harry Potter muse, which has been there since December of 2001, when I first read Sorcerers Stone, and of course, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Yup, so be prepared.
WARNING: Not only is this fic bad for you strictly because I'm writing it, but it contains shounen-ai or mild slash for those not familiar with the Japanese term, so if that bothers you, go hang out at a Disney fan site or something. (Even though that can be bad to, as I honestly found a fic on FF.net about Minnie Mouse giving Mickey Mouse crabs. . .)
WARNING 2: This is my first attempt at slash, I usually just read it. ^^;
It was a bright and abnormally sunny day in the Slayers world. Not only abnormally sunny, but also a day strangely devoid of demons, treasure hunts, and supposed treasure hunts that eventually led to long, drawn out demon fights. And considering what day it was, this was not good for a certain chimera. On top of that, was this welling hatred in his soul for the person who had dared to eat his bon bons.
Zelgadis, said chimera with the lost bon bons, was as usual, following his traveling companions while staying as far away from them without losing sight of them, so he settled for the rear. He watched suspiciously as Lina chattered away at the front of the group. Amelia was beside their fearless leader, supposedly part of the aforementioned chatter, but Lina seemed to be talking far to much for her to get a word in. Closer to his spot in the back was Gourry, who was amazing Zelgadis by walking on a path filled with rocks and the occasional large plant while intently watching a butterfly that was floating lazily directly above his head. And Xelloss. . .
Xelloss was nowhere to found.
And considering what day it was, this was also a bad situation for a certain chimera.
Knowing this day, and that Xelloss was absent, it must have been because he was planning something. And if Xelloss was planning, combined with the fact that Lina was now whispering to Amelia, which the outspoken girl only does when she plans on doing something that means trouble for one of their own group, that meant most certainly that something bad was heading his way.
So using his chimeric skills, or what ever it is that you would like to call it, since this paragraph is meant solely for moving the plot, (I need one of those plot devices, like they have in Sheep in the Big City. Amazing machines, those plot devices.) Zelgadis crept past Gourry, who probably wouldn't have seen him anyway in his butterfly-induced trance, then, Mission Impossible style, made his way behind Lina.
"So, we got the sleeping draft, his gift, reservations at eight, and everything should be ready by--"
It seemed that Lina's spider sense had begun to tingle, because she turned around to face Zelgadis, sweatdropped and blushed a shade of red brighter than her hair, then quickly turned back to Amelia.
"Um. . ." she said quickly, "Can you believe that?! I was starving and the waiters had the nerve to walk up to me and say that there was a ten chickens per dinner rule! The cooks refused to make me anymore food, then they threw me out!" Lina put on her most pitiful face and turns to Zelgadis.
"Zel? Isn't that horrible? I mean, throwing me, the genius sorceress Lina Inverse, out of their petty diner?" She stares at Zel, hoping he'll buy her cover. Zelgadis though, simply turned to Amelia to see if she would go along with the lie.
"Oh Lina! How unjust!! Whatever did you do?" Amelia cried in a less than convincing voice.
"Oh yes Lina. Do tell."
Lina blushed and sweatdropped again, then desperately looked for a distraction. She found it in a blonde haired swordsman.
"Hey Gourry! Ready for dinner?" She yelled to her companion.
He turned away from his fluttering friend and looked to Lina. "I thought we didn't have time yet? Weren't we going to do that thing for Zelgadis?" He scratches the back of his head in confusion.
Lina pressed her lips together, then turned to Zelgadis. Seeing his unwavering stare was enough to make her blood run cold.
"What -thing- Lina? I know we weren't doing anything today." His stare was becoming more intense.
Lina smiled nervously. "Of course not Zel! We're just going to get some food then head to the inn for the night! Gourry is just makin' stuff up! You know we have nothing planned! Ha ha ha ah!! What a kidder he is!"
Gourry walked up to Lina and stared with that cute kind of confusion on his face. "But Lina!! That is what you told me la--"
Gourry's statement is then doomed to eternal incompletion, as the small but powerful fist of the dragon spooker found it's way to his face. Isn't it smart?
On the road to the next town, something weird and completely unrelated to the actual plot happened.
Lina, skipping gleefully towards the town, stomach growling, singing a happy song of food and. . .food. . .ran straight into a pair of children in black robes.
"Hey!!! What aren't you watching where you're going!?!? We're trying to save someone here!" shouted the boy of the pair, as he pushed his round glasses back on his face.
"Harry, the girl began, "I think I turned it to many times. . ."
"Hermione!! Dumbledore said two times. How many times did you do it?"
"Um. . .nine."
The boy smacked his forehead, then smacked the head of the fluffy-haired girl.
"God, you're bloody stupid. . ."
The girl held up an hourglass on a cord and turned it about seven times, looking as if on the verge of tears. As they disappeared, you could hear a small voice.
"I didn't mean to. . . And under her breath. "Just cuz your the stupid 'boy who lived' doesn't mean you can boss me around. Stupid git, won't live much longer. . ."
After about an hour of silence, the group found it's way to an inn in the center of a small town on the outskirts of Seyrune. It was small, but cozy and quiet. And cheap. Most definitely cheap. They paid for their rooms, settled their belongings and headed off for a meal at about eight o'clock.
Unfortunately for our favorite chimera, he hadn't quite figured the plan out yet. So as soon as he entered the building, a horde of waiters and waitresses had surrounded him, covering him in party favors and practically screaming 'Happy Birthday' in voices that couldn't possibly be more off-key. But before he began to rain his doom down upon the fiery haired sorceress, something came to his attention.
Though he had not entirely figured out the plan, he would have bet his pointy ears that Xelloss had been behind it all. But knowing Xelloss as he did, he knew he would have been here to see his plan come to completion.
But he was still nowhere to be seen.
Alas, this would have to wait.
"LINA INVERSE!! What have you done!?!?!?"
"Nothing wrong!" She exclaimed, waving her hands in front of her. "Amelia was the one that went searching for your birthday! Blame her!"
"Wha--!?!? Miss Lina! You know this was your idea! You made me find the date for you just so you could do this!"
She struck her heroic pose and pointed an accusing finger at Amelia. "Likely story, Amelia! But we all know this is your sick, twisted work!"
"I am a princess of JUSTICE!! I would no do this to Mr. Zelgadis no matter how much the voice of my eternal love tried to make me! I respect him and his wishes!"
Lina put her hands on her hips. "That's not what you said last night. . ."
The small princess backed up into the wall. "M-m-iss Lina!. . ."
Lina put on her most determined face. "You said, and I quote. . . She pulled her hands in front of her and exchanged her determined face for a very good impression of Amelia's love-struck/justice speech face. In her most convincing squeaky Amelia voice, she began. . .
"But Miss Lina!! It is my one true loves birthday!! We must do something! It is so very unjust to just ignore the most important day in a person's life!! It is a holiday that must be celebrated to fullest!!" She gave her small friend a look of pure malice. "But that's not all you said. Is it Amelia? Heh hehe heheeeee. . .oh no, it wasn't."
"Miss Lina!! Stop!" Amelia cried, lunging towards her.
"I believe it was something about dropping her panties if Zelgadis---mmfff!!!!"
And so, Amelia salvaged at least a small portion of her dignity, but lost a lot of blood in her index finger. Never knew Lina had vampiric tendencies. . .
No one really knows what happened that night. Some say a giant blue monster attacked the small restaurant in a flurry of magic and pure hatred. Others believe it was a murderer out after the Princess of Seyrune and the sorceress Lina Inverse. Still others simply don't care, they are just relieved that blonde genius swordsman figured out that a well-placed breast joke would stop the feud. The world may never know. . . .
Lina looked up at her blue friend after they pulled themselves out of the rubble that was once a cozy diner. "Zel. . .I'm sorry. . . she throws in her puppy eyes for good measure.
"We just wanted you to have a good time on your birthday, Mr. Zelgadis."
Gourry looked on, adding nothing to the conversation, because 1) this was not his idea, and 2} you'd be silent too if a crazed, breast-less woman had just torn off half your hair. He did spare a sympathetic glance in the shamans' direction though.
"Lina, if I had wanted to do something to celebrate the cursed day of my birth, you would have been the first to know. But I have had no desire to celebrate for almost a decade. Why would I suddenly have the birthday spirit?" He glared at the short sorceress and the annoying princess. "Not only was that not fun, Lina, but it was also incredibly embarrassing. This will now be added to the list of the many towns and cities I have no desire to be anywhere near again!!!" Zel threw his hands in the air for that extra emphasis.
"You are so sensitive!! We just wanted to cheer you up! Have a good time, maybe some food and take advantage of the free liquor the give you for your birthday. . .not to mention all the other free alcoholic beverages!" Lina beamed. "And you know you wouldn't have turned down the alcohol!"
Zelgadis blushed. "Maybe not. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!"
Lina winced. "We understand Mr. Zelgadis. But we hope you'll at least accept the present we got you!!"
"He won't Miss Lina!! We all know Mr. Zelgadis isn't like that!!" Amelia shouted.
"You're in denial. I know Zel'll love it! Then all will be forgiven! Right Zel?"
Zelgadis looked at her with that suspicious look he's gotten so good at during this story. "Is it more singers?"
"Is it that free liquor?"
"No. But you could get some with it!"
"Does getting this liquor and gift involve my forgiveness?"
"The gift is on us. But I don't think we have the money for the booze right now."
"I dunno. I really wanted that liquor . . ."
"Fine!! Gift and liquor! Will that make you forgive me?"
"Done!" The pair shake hands and the journey continues.
The world moves on. The only slightly injured group trudges back to their incredibly cheap inn, where they go their separate ways into their equally cheap rooms. Lina, to nurse her wounds. Amelia, to stop the massive blood loss. Gourry, to salvage what was left of his hair after Lina got a hold on him. And Zelgadis, off to sulk in his own sulkiness, being the sulky creature that he is. Sure getting the liquor was great, but he was still angry and embarrassed. . . .and sulky. So with his bag of two bottles of high quality liquor in his hand, he sulked off to his room. Hoping his gift was a damn good one after all his companions had put him through today. But when he opened his door. . .
The first thing he saw was the bear. It was what looked like a custom-made, gigantic teddy bear, with big black eyes, sky blue fur, and patches of purple in random places, except around the eyes, where they were more carefully placed in a familiar pattern.
It was a chimera teddy bear. Enough to make Zel smile, secretly of course. No one would learn of the happiness, since that's not a Zel-like emotion. He decided he would hide it during the day, pretend to hate it, then unknown to all, would sleep with it at night. He christened the bear Fernando, was about to pick it up, but then he noticed something very important. . . .
There was an arm draped over the bear's furry blue chest. And now that he looked closer, he could also make out the knees of someone, like they were curled up behind the bear. . . .Zelgadis went closer to the bed and very carefully pulled Fernando the bear from the loose grasp of the unconscious/sleeping man/woman on his bed.
And there he was. In loose fitting black slacks, a form fitting black shirt with sleeves that reached just past his elbows. . . .and around his neck was a silver ribbon with a small card tied to it.
Whether you like it or not, Zelgadis Greywords, it is your birthday. I went through a lot of trouble for this so you had better enjoy it.
Your Bestest Friend and Companion, Lina Inverse Y
P.S: He's under a sleeping draft, he'll wake up in a few hours.
P.P.S: I ate the bon bons.
A strange gift to most, but Lina always seemed to know Zelgadis better than he knew himself. He sat down on the bed beside his gift and watched his chest rise and fall as he slept. Suddenly, he stirred; causing his deep purple hair to fall into his face, as if he knew Zel was there, but then returned to a deep sleep.
"How the hell did you let them catch you like this Xelloss? I though that you were smarter than that." He spoke softly as he pushed the silky strands back and then lay down beside the demon. He draped one arm over him, like Xelloss had done with the bear.
Then jumped up and ran out the door.
"YOU ATE MY BON BONS!!!!!"
This time the monster did wake. Xelloss drowsily made his way to the door just in time to see Lina run screaming down the hall.
"Wonder what all that was about? It seems like wasting a perfectly good night, running around like that. Hmm. . .ruins the nice 'happily ever after'."
With that, he grabs the teddy bear and goes back to sleep amidst the screaming.
"I bought you liquor! Go get drunk and forget the bon bons!!"
"MY BON BONS!!"
"I also got you a nice boyfriend! If I hadn't your be stuck with Amelia!! The least you could do is let me get away with the candy!"
Autumns Note: The end. No yaoi scene for you!
Audience: *wields deadly weapons*
Autumn: Um. . .*ignores weapons* A sleeping draft is a potion type thing that makes you sleep.
Audience: *gathers around Autumn*
Autumn: Aye. . .*squeaky fear-filled voice* Harry and Hermione are owned by J.K Rowling. . . .they're appearance was during the third book. . . .
Autumn: *squeakier* When they go to save Buckbeak and Sirius. . .
Audience: *raises weapons*
Autumn: *helium voice* Did you know the more frightened you become the squeakier your voice gets?
Autumn: *mouse squeak* James Bond has 896 venereal diseases!
The Real End